Embracing Reality: Overcoming Avoidance for Better Health and Well-Being
We’ve all encountered situations where we try to sidestep something difficult or uncomfortable. But what happens when this tendency to avoid the inevitable becomes a pattern in our lives? I was reminded of this recently when a close friend shared how he meticulously prepared for a routine physical exam. In the days leading up to the appointment, they adopted an almost obsessive approach — altering his diet, exercising intensely, and even adjusting habits he typically wouldn’t prioritize. He was fully aware that these changes weren’t long-term, but he was hoping that the temporary improvements would provide a better, more acceptable snapshot of his health when the doctor checked their vitals.
At first glance, this behavior might seem innocent enough — after all, who doesn’t want to look their best in front of a professional? But what struck me was the underlying motivation. In his mind, a better physical exam result would mean reassurance, not just about his health, but about his image and identity. He hoped to avoid the uncomfortable truths that might arise if he was completely honest about his habits or health issues.
Health Avoidance
While my friend’s behavior could be seen as a desperate but well-intentioned attempt to present a better version of himself, it highlights a deeper issue we all face: the tendency to avoid facing harsh truths about our health. Avoiding medical appointments, neglecting symptoms, or even manipulating test results to look more favorable are forms of denial, often driven by fear. For some, the avoidance is rooted in a fear of receiving bad news — whether it’s a diagnosis of a chronic illness, a missed opportunity for early intervention, or the realization that their lifestyle choices have consequences.
This kind of avoidance, while offering temporary comfort, ultimately leads to greater harm. By putting off necessary healthcare, we may be delaying treatment, which can result in more severe outcomes down the line. Moreover, the stress of living in denial or hiding the truth can take a toll on both our physical and mental health, ultimately reinforcing the cycle of avoidance.
Psychological Avoidance
This avoidance isn’t limited to health matters. Many of us engage in similar behaviors when confronted with emotionally challenging situations. For example, people often procrastinate on work or personal tasks because they find the prospect of failure or judgment too overwhelming to face. Others may avoid confronting past traumas or difficult relationships because dealing with these issues would require emotional vulnerability and courage. In the workplace, some individuals may defer difficult conversations with colleagues or supervisors, fearing conflict or confrontation.
This pattern of avoidance extends far beyond what might initially appear as simple procrastination. It’s rooted in the same basic psychological mechanism: a desire to avoid discomfort. Whether it’s the fear of failure, rejection, or embarrassment, avoidance provides a temporary shield. But much like my friend’s pre-exam efforts, it doesn’t provide lasting solutions.
In fact, avoiding a problem only exacerbates it over time, leading to greater stress, anxiety, and often, a sense of failure or inadequacy when the issue inevitably resurfaces.
Life-Changing Events: A Catalyst for Facing Avoidance: A life-changing event — such as the death of a loved one — often disrupts our carefully constructed avoidance strategies. I experienced this firsthand when I lost my father in January. His passing dredged up unresolved issues and painful memories. However, it also provided an unexpected opportunity for growth.
As I confronted my grief, I found myself reconnecting with a sibling from whom I had distanced myself for years. This event forced me to face the reality of my own mortality and address past mistakes and regrets, ultimately leading to healing and reconnection. Life’s major events, while painful, can be catalysts for confronting truths we’ve been avoiding for years.
Putting Off the Inevitable Stuckness
Dr. Julie Smith, in her book Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?, discusses how avoidance can be deeply rooted in our tendency to seek comfort and instant relief from emotional distress. One concept she explores is the idea of “putting off the inevitable,” which echoes the point that we often postpone confronting uncomfortable situations or emotions.
Dr. Smith encourages readers to recognize that avoidance only perpetuates feelings of anxiety and guilt. Her advice for overcoming this involves acknowledging the discomfort, learning to sit with it, and gradually working through it, rather than trying to outrun it.
She also addresses how our tendency to avoid can create a cycle of “stuckness” — we feel trapped by our unresolved emotions, leading us to procrastinate further and push things off until they become overwhelming. Dr. Smith’s strategies — such as reframing our thinking around discomfort, building self-compassion, and taking small steps toward facing our fears — offer practical solutions for breaking the cycle of avoidance. These approaches can be particularly transformative during life-changing events, where emotions can feel all-consuming, but where there is also potential for healing and growth.
Understanding the Motivations
Why do people engage in avoidance? The answer lies in human psychology. Avoidance is often a defense mechanism — one that allows us to shield ourselves from emotional pain, uncertainty, or fear. For some, it is about maintaining control in a world that feels chaotic or unpredictable. By avoiding uncomfortable truths, they feel they can protect their identity, preserve their self-esteem, or prevent themselves from facing overwhelming emotions.
However, while avoidance may offer short-term relief, it often leads to long-term consequences. Just as my friend’s pre-exam efforts may have provided a temporary reprieve from the discomfort of facing a harsh diagnosis, psychological avoidance can delay important emotional or practical confrontations. The longer we avoid, the bigger the problems become. Eventually, the weight of our avoidance catches up with us, leading to anxiety, shame, and sometimes, more severe emotional or physical consequences.
Breaking the Cycle
So, how can we break this cycle of avoidance? The first step is to acknowledge the discomfort we are trying to avoid. Instead of running from difficult truths, we must learn to embrace them. This doesn’t mean we have to dive into painful experiences headfirst, but it does require us to take small steps toward confronting them.
For example, in health matters, this might mean scheduling regular check-ups, even when we’re scared of what they might reveal. In emotional situations, it may involve having difficult conversations, seeking therapy, or confronting past wounds with a supportive friend or counselor. The key is to stop letting avoidance control our actions.
Adopting strategies like mindfulness can also help us manage discomfort without resorting to avoidance. Mindfulness teaches us to stay present with our emotions, even when they’re difficult, allowing us to process them in a healthy way. Setting realistic goals for ourselves, both in health and emotional well-being, can help us take gradual steps toward overcoming avoidance.
Avoidance may offer a temporary sense of control, but it ultimately prevents us from fully embracing our lives and all the challenges they bring. Whether in health, relationships, or personal growth, confronting discomfort head-on fosters resilience and a deeper sense of authenticity. By understanding the motivations behind our tendency to avoid and developing healthier coping strategies, we can lead more balanced, fulfilled lives.
The first step in overcoming avoidance is accepting that growth often comes from facing the uncomfortable — and that the peace we seek lies on the other side of it.