56 Observations and Free Advice About Life for No Good Reason

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1. When I was a kid, a Flintstones chewable vitamin was cool and tasty. As I get older, a standard-sized supplement threatens to choke me to death.

2. People who aggressively race past me to get to a stoplight perplex me. Gas mileage at a stoplight is zero.

3. It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.

4. Greenwood’s Corollary: Be nice, but do not be a doormat.

5. The music I liked when I was in high school still has the power to move me. Photos of me dancing to said music have the power to move that photo to a shredder pronto.

6. I looked like my mom until I was in my thirties. Now in my fifties, I look like my dad after a dubious hair transplant.

7. Being a dad is just about the only thing I haven’t screwed up in my life. (Not that my life is bad — but man oh man, the failures!)

8. Failure is how we learn. Ignoring the lessons of failures causes more failure.

9. I try very hard not to “sweat the small stuff,” and a functioning democracy is NOT small stuff.

10. I despise “psychics” and “mediums” who profess the ability to speak to the dead. The dead already know how I feel about them — no charge. (In other words, tell people you love them while you can.)

11. Working for myself taught me one thing above all others: I can do most anything if I set my mind to it and stay disciplined. (Doing them super profitably? Nope.)

12. Same for writing novels.

13. I got hired to write a screenplay by an actual motion picture producer based in LA. Never been paid that much for my writing in my entire life. We had five great months working together until he unexpectedly died. Lesson: nothing is guaranteed.

14. Second lesson: be thankful you at least got a shot at your dreams.

15. Never pass up the opportunity to ask your kid how they are doing.

16. And listen carefully to what they say.

17. Listening is not waiting for a pause so you can speak.

18. I know enough to know that nobody really knows what’s going to happen when we go.

19. I used to think that some people have it all figured out. At this point in life, I have met, broken bread with, and interviewed thousands of accomplished people (governors, senators, writers, actors, singers, CEOs, athletes, etc.). Nearly every one of them revealed at least a brief moment of insecurity, doubt, and even deep flaws.

20. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

21. Most people are not thinking about that dumb/hateful/ignorant thing you said to them in eighth grade. Most people are too caught up in their own lives and worrying about the dumb/hateful/ignorant thing they said in eighth grade to think about you. Move on with your life.

22. Tears are an expression of love, grief, anxiety, fear, and exhaustion. Embrace the emotions. Have a cry. But maybe not at work.

23. The words in songs are called lyrics, not words.

24. If everything is “Awesome!” then nothing is.

25. Sometimes I wake up and feel like I don’t really know anybody as well as I thought I did. I suspect you feel the same way at times also.

26. Social media is the greatest threat to the survival of mankind. Bar none.

27. Quality education is the last best hope for humanity.

28. PEOPLE WHO ONLY USE ALL CAPS IN SOCIAL MEDIA ARE INSECURE. Or they do not know how to use their phone. And did I mention insecure?

29. Sushi is the perfect food.

30. A martini is a classic cocktail made with gin or vodka and dry vermouth and typically garnished with a lemon twist or olive. The drink is meant to be stirred, not shaken, and should be clear and without ice shards. Stirring for at least 20–30 seconds dilutes the ingredients and balances them out. The ratio of gin to vermouth can vary, but a common ratio for a dry martini is 4–8 parts gin to 1 part vermouth. The less vermouth used, the drier the martini will be. There is no chocolate ingredient. And if you pour olive brine in it, I can’t help you.

31. I came to football fandom around age 40. There is no turning back. Go Chiefs. Go Sooners.

32. When you count a sibling among your best friends, you are blessed.

33. If a sibling turns their back on you, it hurts like hell. But maybe they have (had) their reasons that had little or nothing to do with you.

34. There is no crying in Star Trek.

35. You are not responsible for or answerable to the toxic people in your life.

36. T = 12×∑n=048​2n … In other words, start saving when you are young and save as much as you can so you aren’t playing catchup at an advanced age (ahem).

37. Work out and stay fit when you’re young — see above.

38. Your kids can borrow for student loans, but you can’t borrow for retirement.

39. Somebody liking something you do not is not necessarily a character flaw on their part. There are, of course, exceptions.

40. I don’t wear hats, shorts, flip flops, or clothing with vulgar sayings in restaurants with tablecloths and a wine list. I am old.

41. Avoid discussing politics with individuals who may not pass the U.S. Citizenship test. According to a 2018 survey by the Institute for Citizens & Scholars, only 36% of Americans can pass a multiple-choice test based on the U.S. Citizenship Test, which requires a passing score of 60%. Just assume you don’t need to discuss politics.

42. You are not going to change anybody’s mind about politics. Take it from a losing candidate.

43. Read the room. Act accordingly.

44. Read at least six books a year. I can suggest a few that can help if you have no idea what to read.

45. Critical thinking skills are crucial to avoid being hoodwinked, robbed, bamboozled, and taken for a ride.

46. AI won’t necessarily take your job. It’s the person who knows how to use it who will likely put their stuff on your old desk after you get canned.

47. You are not doing your job well if you don’t keep up with the tools that tech provides you to do your job more efficiently.

48. Your religion is your business until you make it my business.

49. It’s interesting that the folks who were advocating keeping government out of our lives just ten years ago are now intent on inserting government into every aspect of our lives. In other words, those seeking power and control over others always seem to find new ways to achieve that goal.

50. Shame used to work as a means of governing behavior. Nowadays? Not so much. And that is a shame.

51. If you have read this far, thank you. (And don’t you have something else to do?)

52. What am I going to do with all this stuff?

53. “This is the way we’ve always done it here” is a sad statement.

54. Following your passion often leads to a dead end. Get paid for what you’re good at; eventually, you will have the wherewithal for your passion.

55. Electric cars are way cooler than I thought.

56. Try not to take yourself too seriously. People who do are often not taken seriously.